I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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