dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
