Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize