hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
