Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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