whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
