Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
