i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
