God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
