Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
