btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize