you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
