i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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