He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
