Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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