Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
