Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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