when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
