Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
