Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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