woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
