i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
