I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
