I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
