no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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