Plan B is the new Plan A
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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