There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
