Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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