her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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