So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
