She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i've created a new STD.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
