i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
