I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize