For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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