if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
