my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
