yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
