Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
