You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
