DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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