I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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