I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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