And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
