Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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