During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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