The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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