Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
