cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
