he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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