I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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