And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
