Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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