u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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