farters have to be the big spoon...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
