you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
