Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
