I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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