i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize