idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
