do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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