can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
