I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
