3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
