Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
