By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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