I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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